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“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I&rsqu...
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“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre
I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my
life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned
tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.
Photo courtesy of Olivier Bareau
However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.
Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten
into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing
satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career
choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me
the blogger and writer that I am today.
I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would
never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two
beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.
I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back,
there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my
18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share
them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life,
can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.
What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey
- How to control impulse spending. If there’s
anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending.
Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta
have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new
shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women.
I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at
least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think
over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s
a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.
- You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross
country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the
running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I
played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that
went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors
winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am
very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those
- How to plan finances. I always knew that I was
supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I
just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to
actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that
plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that
too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just
gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go
out on their own.
- Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah,
it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the
damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and
sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture.
As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed
like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about
when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my
horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now
is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I
was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.
- Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until
I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it
didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I
wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I
gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized
with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I
eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a
piece of my soul to do it.
- Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This
piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem
blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when
I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was
something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s
now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit.
What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but
on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it
- All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This
is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my
life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it
because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted.
Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every
bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid
off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills
and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours
and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into
the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!
- Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I
thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out
carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door
that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped
off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires
that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up,
rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but
let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying
used is smart, but check things out closely first.
- That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me
even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy
once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn
and chase after him.
- Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just
never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job,
there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you
have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you
love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and
don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15
years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be
great, but still.
- All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When
things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had
deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress
levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above)
but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just
realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the
road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.
- The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve
had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few
friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still
matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time
with friends (and family) than on the other things.
- All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I
don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a
crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what
happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is
something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.
- Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute.
I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is
14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she
leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that
single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time.
I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the
head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time
with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful
kids) have gone by much, much too fast.
- Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have
been many things that have happened to me, professionally and
personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things
were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major
drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste
of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be
happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and
what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.
- Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals.
I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them
they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals
about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I
have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with
the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and
forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it
without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered
what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early
favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.
- Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty.
I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I
don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t
record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a
lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept
- Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into
details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences,
and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way
except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.
- Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding.
Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school …
something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did
it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not
only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started
training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some
good finishing times!
- All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it.
My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good
advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes,
despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at
following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life.
And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every
experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path
of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t
trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the
drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the
debt, the fat … it was all worth it.
“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain
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